Burn them!

I've really got to watch what I eat.

I need to lose weight before christmas so I can really pig out then.

Oh man, my butt is getting bigger than my heart.

Ooops, this means two more weeks of fat-burning.

What is it with women that they're always trying to lose weight!? Man, do you really think about what you eat? I mean that quite literaly - "Man".

Being in a campus where I frequently string out hair from my food, or separate the hairballs from the beetle-chunks, its best that I don't think about what I eat. However, on the outside I can still take it as big as it comes.

Two dominator pizzas?
With butterscotch for dessert please.

And yet, people all over the world (men included) are trying to lose weight. They try everything... from exercise to over-eating. (go figure out those stress-eaters if you want). On the other hand you have us careless junkies who can't put on weight if we were given a forklift and a detachable jaw. As the romans said, "wine and women"... I've often said, "Cheese and chocolates. Who needs women?" (Of course, cheese and wine is a different thing altogether...)

Something is wrong somewhere! I mean come on, on the scale of humanity most people are trying to lose weight. This clearly violates the law of conservation of godawful flab. And women seem to be the most blatant defaulters! They don't just exercise it off. No no no.. they think about it, look at it in the mirror, obsess about it, caress it, pinch it, scratch it, tease it, hide it, dance with it and bite it before sweating it off! (well ok.. maybe they bite it on their men.. but..)

Now of course, the recourse of rounding up them dang obsessive womenfolk by the hair and burning all blubbery bits of them is appealing no doubt. No doubt. But be as it may, man must spread his seed. And woman is as good a place as any other species no doubt. No doubt. But its just that its a comfortable idea. (Bestiality and the pscyho-andro-sexual interpretations of animals later) And the church sure has no problems with it since the gays turned up.

So maybe we just burn off just the fatty parts? Then again, I'm not sure we fancy a multitude of second-degree burn partners.
"Hey baby.. you look SO hot, you could burn! Oh wait, you already did?"
"looking for a fair, well-done or medium-crisp, was-blonde belgian woman. Dental records necessary."

Ok fine.. I concede.. sigh, we'll just have to be discriminating about it after all. Burn only the fat ones! And maybe the whiny ones if nobody notices. Damn, I knew it would come to this. They always bloody win! Now comes the killer question: "Am I fat?".

And you get all tongue-tied and mind-boggled trying to come up with even correct answers, and suddenly... YOU're the asshole who doesn't feel good about himself.
You're the punk who only digs chicks with the booty.
You're the scumbag who makes women a sex object.
You're the dickhead.
You suck. (And so they won't)

And its all because they want to be thin for us! Now, don't come to me saying women naturally adore a more exacting and healthy body image than men do! Just go check the subscription statistics to them body mags!

Oh vanity.. thou art such a double edged sword.

So until I come up with an effective and workable solution for this fundamental anamoly of over-stimulated blubber transferrance potential (whawassat?), we'll just have to put up with fat women. Of course, fat women are not the problem. (Atleast nothing to do with their fatness) They are only a tad uglier than fat men. But they bloody whine! And worse are the grade of them who are not fat enough to be ugly, but are going to push the line! Or so they think.

Sorry ol' chap, fat women will have to stay for now.

Oh goto hell, I need a double chocolate sunday with a ton on nutella on it before i sleep! It four already...

Good luck with the christmas crash Aniko!