Bury the hatchet, Darwin!

Here is a real life incident in the wonderful province of West Virginia. (What will they come up with next?) The article sounds like the start of a bad joke: "A guy walks in to a home with a gun AND a hatchet..."

Read on. And discover the guy Darwin never saw coming!! (Bracketed italics mine)

Tuesday January 4, 2005
Police say man sang, wielded hatchet during robbery attempt

A Martinsburg man charged with breaking into a couple's home on New Year's Eve, holding them at gunpoint for more than an hour and making one of them play the piano (and it gets even better!)remains in jail awaiting a court appearance, according to court records.

Paul Kelvin Hardy, 40, of 46 Wilson St., was charged with armed robbery, nighttime burglary and wanton endangerment with a firearm.

Hardy - who police said accidentally shot himself in the leg, ending the ordeal (mine is just starting!) - was being held in Eastern Regional Jail on a $95,000 cash-only bail, according to records filed in Berkeley County Magistrate Court.

Martinsburg Police Department Sgt. John Sherman and Patrolman Michael St. Clair investigated. According to a two-page criminal complaint filed by St. Clair, a couple who lives at 665 Winchester Ave. was watching television at around 9 p.m. Friday when a man walked down their stairs carrying a gun in one hand and a hatchet in the other. (Really, this SHOULD be a joke!)

The man told the couple, Annie Laura Fogle and Everett Fogle, to lie on the floor and pointed the gun at them, records allege. Annie Fogle felt a gun pressed to the back of her head by the man, who told the couple not to look at him, records state.

After the man demanded money, Annie Fogle walked into a back room and gave the robber $540, police said.

The Fogles were ordered to sit on a couch. At that time, the robber used the hatchet to break a phone in their house, police said.

When the robber requested and was given a plastic bag, he filled it with guns he had taken from the couple's upstairs bedroom, police said. (looks like the firearm santa is riding high!)

The robber then made an unusual demand, police said.
"Mr. Hardy then asked Mr. Fogle who played the piano. Mr. Fogle stated he does. Mr. Hardy then told Ms. and Mr. Fogle to go into the room with the piano. Mr. Fogle then played two songs for Mr. Hardy and while Mr. Fogle was playing the piano, Mr. Hardy was singing along. (Now, the most interesting part is: WHAT songs did they play?)

"Once the songs were finished, Mr. Hardy asked Ms. Fogle if they wanted him to order any pizza, Ms. Fogle stated no," according to the criminal complaint. (Holy shit, are you even alive after all the laughter?)

Back in the living room, the robber began to tell the couple about the bullets in his gun, which he said were special because "they tear the insides up," police said.

Moments later, while "still playing with the gun," the robber shot himself once in the left leg, (And we're cursing fake television antics most of the time...) prompting the couple to call police at 10:32 p.m., police said.

When police arrived, Hardy was sitting on the couple's couch, leaning against Everett Fogle, police said. (What is this? The anti-stockholm syndrome?!!)

Police seized a Colt .45-caliber handgun that was on a couch cushion, a hatchet and $540 from Hardy's pocket, records state.

Police said Hardy entered the couple's home by breaking into a shed in their back yard and taking out a ladder. He leaned the ladder against the home's second-floor balcony, police said.

Conviction on a charge of armed robbery carries a sentence of a minimum of 10 years in prison; conviction on a charge of nighttime burglary carries a sentence of one to 15 years in prison; and conviction on a charge of wanton endangerment with a firearm carries a sentence of one to five years in prison.